Mixed bag

not our scene


is it coughing?



We had heard good things about the Doug Fir, and a visit with my cousins for dinner seemed promising. However, last night's investigation was less than exciting. It's not necessarily a bad scene, but just a bit confusing, and ultimately not what we were looking for. The crowd was kind of bridge and tunnel, with a bit of LA cheesiness thrown in (a lot of this is probably due to the fact it is adjacent to The Jupiter, Portland's "rock n roll" motel. a great idea in theory, but not too sure about the execution). At one point, a girl fell to the ground, and you could feel the THUMP of her head against the concrete 20 ft away. A girl next to us ran over immediately, knocking Jess's drink to the ground. This was actually pretty cool to see her instinctively react to the situation, and she kept profusely and needlessly apologizing to Jess (with what I had to deal with earler in the evening, we reassured her we understood completely).

Ok, now that the heartwarming part is over with, I'm going to mention that one of the injured girl's friends was wearing exactly the same shirt I was, so I slipped my sweatshirt on when we left and passed by the table.

Within walking distance was another place we'd heard about, Slow Bar. Despite the fact that the most of the boys weren't necessarily our type, it still FELT better. One guy in a fedora came over to chat us up, and instantly became defensive when he mentioned he worked as a designer for Nike. He then gestured to his Southern CA sun damaged friend at the bar and said, "he also works for Nike." Jess then replied, "Do you guys have to go to THE VILLAGE every day? (this joke might be lost on anyone who doesn't live around here).

The Fedora eventually went outside, and his profile cast a sinister shadow in the window. I just had to capture it. Remember the scene in "Suspiria" when the girls' rooms were overrun with maggots and they had to sleep in the gym? Hehe.

Later, a nice fella with a crazy scabbing gash running across one cheek hailed us a cab, I at first thought it was some new Portlandey exclusive creative facial hair, but Jess insists it was a scab.

2 stoves and a stripper pole

We headed to Colosso again to see Steve the bartender. He said it was a great night for us to stop by, since the owner had just sold the place and was having her going away party. It was still a consistently foxy crowd, and so close to where we're staying! Anyway, when we were leaving, two guys asked us if we were "going to the party." We said, "sure, where is it?" We hopped into a car and were introduced to Josh and Old Man Coatsie. If you look at his Myspace profile, he is beloved not only in PDX, but also NYC and LA as well. We too were totally charmed by this guy, especially since we've decided he's the 36-year-old version of Chris.

They took us to someone's loft above a bar called Tube (we plan to check this place out next week). The loft had a stage, two stoves, and a stripper pole, upon which the host's girlfriend was dancing in a g-string (no pix of this - it's cockspots, after all!). The boyfriend was constantly taking photos, and a few people watched the show while everyone else was just shuffling around. I met another couple of handsome (not to mention very personable) young men, and one just happens to be another bartender at a place on 18th and Alberta. Jess found a cute newly-turned-21-year old, and he ended up driving us home.

Colosso

Jess and I have selected our Portland watering hole for the next couple of weeks, Colosso on NE Broadway and 20th. It's a lovely tapas place with a dark, crusty interior, and hot bartenders. One in particular, who resembles a combination of two of our friends, also works at a newish bar close to My Fathers Place (where, if memory serves me correctly, you will encounter guys in their 20s and 30s who look 50. I wonder if this is related to the fact that a lot of dudes here have an eerie resemblence to the Unabomber?). We shall be stalking him there on Sunday.

There was ONE issue with one of the patrons; evidently he was friends with said bartender, but not quite so outgoing. In fact, he had that "Portland guy with a chip on his shoulder" vibe, which I guess didn't surprise me. They knew the owner of a delightful restaurant in my neighborhood (Queens Hideaway), and we thought that was incredibly cool, reacting with appropriate enthusiasm. Other Guy then just kind of sneered a bit and asked me why I was here. "My mom is terminally ill, and I'm helping with her home care," I cheerfully replied. I think that jolted him a bit.

Now, I know not all guys here pull that shit, but as a whole they are defintiely not as friendly as New York (especially outer borough) fellas. Maybe it's because New York City has the "champagne of tap waters?" Who knows.

I didn't mention the Doug Fir from last week, but the crowd seemed pretty acceptable. I did get the impression that the guys were "trying" a bit too hard, but maybe it's the overflow from the "rock n roll motel" adjacent. We will be checking this place again, as well as others. I'll also get around to more pics in the near future.

FYI, have you seen the new Food Network show "Ace of Cakes?" This Geoffrey Manthorne dude is officially the hottest thing on reality TV (not to mention, footage of a scrappy chick in skinny jeans and a tattoo delivering a wedding cake...I thought I was the only one...). Good stuff.

http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/show_db

(He's standing directly behind Duff.)

Totally related to the clip of him standing outside the location of Jeep groom cake location, sighing something to the effect of, "I could have written the word 'jeep' on the side of a cake and it wouldn't have made a difference," after the groom and his friends immediately attacked the cake upon arrival.

Sorry I can't deliver you pertinent Brooklyn info at the moment, but I think I can now deal with all the aforementioned number crunching.

New Seasons

As I mentioned before, I'm going to be in PDX for a while. The reason for this isn't allowing me to get out that much at the moment, but I'll do what I can.

My sister and I have been noticing that one of the local grocery chains hires some remarkably handsome young men. She tends to go for the heftier guys, so she likes this one particular fellow in the meat department. I typically prefer the scrawnier ones, so the hipster stock boy with the curly hair and ass crack carefully arranging the natural sodas is more to my liking. We both did a double take at the recent guy handing out goat cheese samples.

The only grocers hiring hot boys in NYC seems to be Trader Joes...the old skool places need to get a clue.

Hottest boy in PDX so far

Fuzznuts

Belated Grand St. crawl

I'm going to be in Portland, OR for the time being, and haven't really been in a position to go out. I did find some cocktail napkins from two weeks ago, when Jess and I made notes on a round of bars in the Grand St area (tho not all are on Grand). Here's what I've been able to decipher:

11: 15 - Savalas: not so promising
11:38 - (can't read est): a little more promising...guys able to accessorize
11:39 - (somewhere else): Jess and I debating Misfits T-shirt guy
11: 48 - (completely unreadable)
12:00 - Iona: Errrr
12:05 - Trash: 1.5 cure boys, and smells like McDonalds
12:25 - Foodswings for their version of "bacon cheese fries." Don't understand why they couldn't use crispy fake bacon instead of the limp substance. I hate that devoted carnivores like me could kick their asses in vegan cooking. Anyway, just saw a few angry looking filthy bike messenger types and dudes who probably drink herbal tea on a Saturday night.
12:40 - some est called "Rosso." we poked our heads in and said, "no fucking way."
12:53 - (I don't know about the time lapse here) back to Savalas, and it wasn't much better. Frankly, I don't care for guys in super baggy pants. How are you supposed to know what's underneath? What if he's pear-shaped?

We also noticed there was no more Tainted Lady, and we also feared the same for Larry Lawrence. Jessica did find the latter on a recent night.

The evening ended at Fun (N4th and Driggs), and I think this will be happening more often. It's all about the hot hipster gay boys, the ones that make you swoon with "what a waste!" Despite their team, they will still dance really filthily with you, and the ambience is similar to someone's basement.