Now THAT'S what I'm talking about!!

Oh Hell Yeah

Lots of fine people on the Girdle Building rooftop, including OJ's favorite new friends (pictured above). I ass Q: if girls are supposedly not attracted to the sight of two boys kissing, then why were these two surrounded by hot chicks the whole evening? I know for a fact that one of them likes girls, and that's really what matters, right? We will keep you updated with details on the "Hipsterfaggots" party.


I can never remember this guy's name, but he's the captain of Brooklyn Kickball's John Cougar Mellencamps. In addition, he wanted me to tell all the fine ladies to pay him a visit at 84 Clinton.

After the party, we ended the evening with dancing at Savalas. This was a good night for the establishment, and it's becoming apparent that this is a pretty dependable place if you want to get some action.

Quote heard on rooftop last night

"Remember that time i was fucking you up the ass with no lube and your asshole got all inside out??"- from Brian or Chris (i forget who's who, those two fags are interchangable). Those guys have quotes up the yinyang I just can't remember them all. They are having a party in 2 weeks called "Hipsterfaggots" and you have to wear the hipster accessory of the moment which is a shoelace used as a headband (this may change by then) and a little totebag (more hip if you're a guy). There will surely be hot people of both sexes there. Don't worry girls- these hot gay dudes like getting down with girls too

"Where da party be at?"

IN MY PANTS, OJ!

lvng 4 prty nw, updt 2mrw

love in all the wrong places

This is actually OJ's story, but I'm going to be an asshole and tell you about it first: last night he fell asleep on the L train somewhere between Manhattan and the Bedford Stop. He awoke to find a "Mami" with a generous posterior affixed to his lap! Ok...on second thought, he needs to tell the story himself.

We did have a revelation today - both of us are friends with all the hot boys and girls within a 10 mile radius. This is problematic. Thank goodness for the constant influx of transplants!

It might be a slow weekend, due to the fact that we are to be hit with thunderstorms for the next few days.

Noteworthy...

Union Pool is much less like Union Tool on weeknights. Last night was a pleasant surprise.

weekend update

Disclaimer: My definition of HOT has evolved in the past couple of years. I mentioned the lack of balls in most brooklyn boys in my previous post. So let this be a warning that most of my posts are about finding other options besides skinny indie rockers who get their periods more than girls do.

That said, on friday night after a roof party, we hit Duff's in brooklyn. Total metal, dirtbag biker bar. I loved it and embraced every square inch. it's about 75% scary biker dudes and metal chicks, but there is a contingent of cute punkasses. There's a great carefree vibe throughout the place and not a trendy pretentious asshole in sight - so don't go if you're an asshole. Or listen to Death Cab.

Saturday was my aforementioned beach day. I got blown off my my beach buddy for a world cup gathering(passive aggressive blog alert!) and hit Brighton Beach and all it's Ruskie goodness. Among fat men in speedos and fat women sunbathing in their translucent bra and panties there was some delectible specimens kicking around a soccer ball, providing me with my own world cup. One cutie even had natty dreads, who retrieved the ball from my blanket apologising profusely. I giggled like a college girl (when i was into natty dreads.)

Saturday night there were alot of hotties at enids, but they were your typical hipster fare.

Sunday - turkey's nest post-softball - just like i was saying before. Look out for the pretty boys in pink.

from the founder, to you

My laptop is in currently in the hospital, and I won't be hooked up at home for a week. I'll do what I can in the meantime, but my trusty contributors will be entertaining you for the most part.

Here is a quick list of hot spots from the past week:

1. Brighton Beach (B.A. texted me describing her "own personal World Cup" of shirtless Russians playing volleyball).

2. D. Grip's account of a Mexican punk fest - I have begged him to keep us updated on this development, and any future events involving this untapped resource.

3. Weekend World Cup games (see Mikki's report below), esp Brazil vs. Austrailia and France vs. S. Korea. Yummers!

4. More weeknight confirmation on the dependability of Union Pool and the suckage of Royal Oak. Bear with me on the repeats, because this will come in handy later on.

world cup part le deux

Text messages on Sunday:

mikki: I just walked past Zabloski's and there are a lot of cute guys inside watching the World Cup.
jane: Come back! I am inside.


hahaha

Saved tattoo

Some of you ladies that like tattooed dudes might wanna scout tomorrow's Saved Tattoo relocation party at their new unfinished location Hope/Roebling corner, 9-ish o'clock. Scott says BYOB, but some booze will be provided. shit you may even get a new tat-fuckin-too!

jocko not-so-homos

I was at first skeptical of posting this, as to not fuck with my own raysh advantage but I'm over it.

The softball fields/turkeys nest on Saturday/Sunday provides lots of eye candy. As opposed to Kickball, it's not chockfull of skinny indie rock pussies (who I've sworn off...although there have been some cute little punk rockers surfacing on the BKKB front) but some of these guys actually have a set of balls - a foreign concept to any girls who's tried dating in the Williamsburg/Greenpoint vicinity over the past 5 years.
They're also a little bit older. Not that there's any wrong with those afflicted by "AKS" (Ashton Kutcher Syndrome - the youngins diggin on the ladies in their prime)but sometimes you need a little quasi-maturity. Sometimes.

strangeways

You never know where you might meet someone. I am not one of those people who get hit on a lot (you know who you are!)--I tend to engender intense obsessions irritatingly mated with an inability to act on them or to shed the harem of women willing to do his chores and cut his hair. But I digress!

This weekend: Birthday party for a six-year-old. I was joking that I was going to flirt with the clown, but he was too creepy even for me. Then I got asked out by the twenty-six-year old who was helping the mom put the party on. Cute, but way below my cut-off age.

Wedding for two close friends: I was sure I would be the only single person there, and I was, except for my friend Jane, who was so wasted by the time I got there that I really had to thank the lord for my sobriety. (Not Jane Minty, btw.) But there were two single guys there, who both asked for my #, which is hilarious, but one is in a band (NEVER AGAIN) and the other is a slut (AKA SAME THING WITHOUT THE BAND.) They might have been good for flings, but too close to my inner circle.

Um, what is the point. I guess, that you never know. Or, that if you go places where everyone else is paired off, sometimes it works in your favor.

Spanish punks

Saturday I dj'ed at Savalas with the Captain and StarEyes. StarEyes is a hot ass chick dj so there were some guy groupie dudes there. Lotsa flatbrimmed New Era caps and gold grills and skinny white boy hip hoppers with skintight jeans and air jordans- but these guys were only in there for a quick second. Of course me and the Captain (this dude's single ladies so you better jump on him) attracted the ladies there, so it was a great poonspot for the guys. Tuesday night I'm going to Amy Meneses' Nacotheque spanish pop-punk dance party at the Delancey . My girl Molly (Peechees, Bratmobile, Frumpies) formed a new band after all these years being bandless and managing the Donnas. I guess she recruited former ex-Peechee Carlos and 2 young punk guys from Spain and they play their first show ever at Nacotheque. Anything Amy is involved with always contains hot guys and girls + add Molly Neuman's new band and I would guess Delancey will be a nice cockspot and poonspot. plus it's FREE!!!!

Sirs Marlowe

Ok, newly single, still not blind. Bembe? What the hell are you thinking? And I heard another positive field report on Marlowe+Sons. Worth another trip. Shit, it's worth it for their fucking tomatoes.

Also, this Friday, Matt and Kim show, 718 Diner -- if we actually have readers, I envision a catfight. Or an orgy -- one of the two.

Weekend roundup

Ok, let's see if I get this right:

Friday - We went to Savalas for Punk Ass Jason's new night. More couples than anticipated, and I think a lot of the usual crowd was probably all tuckered out from World Cup action (I know that OJ was here last night, and will get his report). Upon meeting two other friends, we were told the hot place for the evening was Bembe. Evidently we could have had our pick of Brazilian guys. Ok, twist my arm!

We stopped by Cyn on the way back for a nightcap because it was on the way, and I was curious about the weekend crowd. The only action we saw was a drunk Polish guy trying to peel us off the couch.

Saturday - Actually went to a birthday party (in a private residence), where there were several nice looking fellas, including an 18-year-old! Yes ladies, he was totally legal, and totally delicious. I shall echo Pinkeye's sentiments regarding "tenderoini" a few entries back (see "One word: Pratt").

Sunday - What a pleasant surprise! I went to visit my friend Lisa at Zablozki's, and the place was filled will hot, greasy, Euro dudes with bedhead with all eyes glued upon the World Cup. Holy crap, I'm definitely coming back next Sunday. According to this flyer, they have:

"full world cup coverage every day every game!!! 9am-6pm giant 10 ft high definition screen"

Lisa also works Tuesday and Thursday nights, and insists there really are plenty of guys on these nights. I'll have to verify this...I'd imagine as hot as she is she's probably correct.

marlowe and sons

Was there early, like 7, on Friday for a drink and some olives with friends. Lots of couples (do I just go to the wrong places?), but definitely some cute boys, including one in an Agora tshirt. I am easily impressed.

Thursday Happy Hour

My friend said, "I hope there aren't any super hot guys here, since I didn't have a chance to go home and change." When we enetered Anytime at about 7:30, I replied, "Your wish has been granted."

We had to come back, because of the dollar drinks. About a half hour later, a few nice looking boys came in, and right before we left, a party of 5 hot ones grabbed a table in the back!! So, all hope is not lost for Anytime.

I also want to welcome my other reporters...I've even invited two actual cute boys, so they can fill us in on where they're all headed.

HOT TIP: There's sure to be an interesting variety of quality dudes at Savalas (Bedford between Grand and South 1st) tomorrow night, especially with Punk Ass Jason DJing.

In your neighborhood

If you're ever in need of a pick-me-up, you're certain to see some tasty treats here:

North 11th and Wythe Usually you will see a few skating around this corner.

Photoplay (Manhattan Av between Kent and Java) Ok, this is old news, but still enough to keep me from signing up for Netflix.

Juhas Deli and Grocery, corner of Norman and Guernsey The girls in my immediate hood have been keeping an eye on the boy here for a few years now. He's obviously working at the family store...how adorable!!

One word: Pratt

Reporting to mintnasty: I braved the rain and went to the 5,182nd Todd P Japanther show. I took one step inside, realized some dorks called Squidbotz were still on, and rethought the whole evening. I may not be single, but that doesn't mean I'm blind, and in terms of eye candy, I scoped enough of the crowd to know it was all circus peanuts and laffy taffy. This spot, Micheline's, is perhaps too far out in Bushwick -- the people standing outside would have been equally in their element frying tiny onions at White Castle.

The best Todd P shows, (in hot boy terms), are at Tommy's Tavern in Greenpoint and Union Pool, but even better are the shows with Todd P-type lineups, though not actually sponsored by Todd P -- I mean house parties where bands like Matt and Kim, Aa, and Menegaur play. These are without exception full of HOT PRATT kids. Who gives a fuck if they're 19 -- youth has some serious advantages when you get down to business, am I right ladies?

Anyone care to fill me in on tonight's Japanther show?

It was way too shitty outside to drag myself all that way on the J, and I have a houseguest. Todd P events are a great feast for the eyes, and I'm sure tonight was no different.

I know I need to establish a rating system, create a logo, etc., and I'll get around to it eventually. Also, I need READER TIPS! The grand plan is to create an Excel doc of local establishments, and days of the week. This way you can print it out and put it on your mirror; you'll know the best nights and places to find the kind of boy you want.

Manhattan contributors are also welcome!

HOT TIP: OJ said that Royal Oak had lots of good looking people on Sunday. Hmm...that place has been totally hit or miss lately.

from the field...

Psychotic Reaction, Black Betty , Tuesday Nights

(courtesy of another dedicated embed!)

I will admit I was highly amused when asked to do a field report for Black Betty on a Tuesday night. Admittedly I do go there every Tuesday, but it does not really appeal as a pickup joint. Why is that? Possibly because I never pick people up, but more likely, because it's, you know, full of couples! Oh they're hot! But they are all hand in hand. It is a Noah's Ark of hipsters. If the world ended, and we had to repopulate with the denizens of Black Betty on Tuesday nights, the new race would do well. The vibe is always awesome and I have a great time but there is no one there to flirt with--the only two single guys were these two tall musicians who were assiduously loving the ladies down. Way, way, down. $2 PBRs for those of you who like to drown your sorrows

The secret to "goth dancing"

OJ revealed his secret to goth dancing this evening...pretend you are pulling taffy.

Galapagos is normally abysmal for this sort of thing. You know how a lot of bars have that older guy sitting to the side for the sole objective of appearing nonchalant and "cool" in hopes of picking up a young impressionable chick? Galapagos is full of 'em on an average night.

Thankfully, the Bellmer Dolls crowd was a pick-me-up; if you like fellas with pretty hair, black attire, and a bit of rugged smeary eyeliner, this was the place to be. Granted, there were plenty of "gay boyfriends," (what a waste! "hello, will you insert your penis into my poon just this once? it won't kill you!") but they still enhanced the overall hotness of the event.

HOT TIP: I believe there's another Bellmer party at Union Pool on the 14, and it's a Todd P event. Shit, that's 3 things in your favor right there!

OJ against a sexy backdrop

My first contributor!

From one of my trusty field reporters:

Exodus Gym

During the day you can find a few alterna-hotties here, but you have to wonder why they are not at work. Cute bboy during the day says "bartender" to me. Or "girlfriend payiing the bills." Then again, I'm there during the day, so who am I to judge? Enjoy your afternoon delight! And at night, Exodus provides all the fratty muscle types you could ever want! If you're tired of going to the West Side to meet a guy who says "Whoa, I really like your tattoo," this is the place for you.

Lesbians take note: Lots of hot chicks there, though.

good morning and whatnot

Yes, Van Gogh's Radio really has free drinks for ladies on Monday nights. Why would I lie about such a thing? Ok, granted, it's not about scoping out the yum yums. But the drinks are freeee!! And yes, we tipped nicely.

Afterwards we ran into some friends (1:30am>?) outside of LuLus on Franklin, just down the road from Van Goghs. Two hot girls, and that guy in that mediocre band we've all met 20 times who never remembers our namesss. My friend found a cab, and I confirmed in the meantime that CoCo666 still had a great layout, yet no one to lay me out. We got the cab and went to Cyn (on North 5th and Bedford, formerly Rain Lounge). Laura the bartender was awesome, and Rob was still in good spirits despite the head cold. These two nice Puerto Rican guys (I think??) escorted us out when the Texan guy started getting weird. Thanks!! Wheeeee, so we went to Subway afterwards, but they weren't serving anymore.

At this point she was licking everything out of desperation

Addendum to Sunday's report

Brooklyn Kickball, Sundays 6pm-?, McCarren Park

You really can't go wrong here; fresh meat can easily be observed on some of the newer teams, as well as the old standbys. During and afterwards, head to the Turkey's Nest for post-game debauchery...you're bound to end up making out with someone who doesn't mind sneaking into work late on Monday morning.

Maiden field report

Sunday, June 4

Anytime Cafe, North 6th, 7-9:30 pm

I love those dollar drinks from 6-9, but can do without a lot of the clientele. Jocky boys in white Mexican shirts tenderly tonguing their girlfriends, YUCK. There were a couple of boys at a table in back with a little potential, but overall I'd stay for the drink special and head elsewhere.

Zabloski's, North 6th, "pass-by" at 9:30pm

Eh, I don't know why I bother. Every time I go here, there are dudes in berets and shit, or just people you don't want to deal with. Once in a blue moon there's a cutie, and he's with a chick.

Pete's Candy Store (walkby), 12:15 am

Oh geez, it's always these guys with craggy faces.

Union Pool, 12:30 am

Solidly dependable...less crowded than a weekend night, with the same proportion of handsome young men. However, there weren't a whole lot of people to begin with.

The "Union Pool"



Royal Oak, 1:15 am

We peeked our heads in the door, and there were about 5 people. No sense in spending our alloted second drink here!

"Poor Man's Royal Oak," (I can't remember the name - it's the place with the "Pierogi" sign on N 8th and Havemeyer) 1:20am

Same story here: we just weren't willing to gamble on the 10 or so at this location. We did see a hot guy enter when we were halfway down the block, but decided to move on nonetheless. Then, that adorable brunette you always see on the skateboard skated on by, and we crossed our fingers that he might be going in. Alas, he continued down North 8th.

The Abbey, 1:30am

My friend knew the bartender, and we'd pretty much given up. There were a couple of hot ones in the back, but they were totally gay. Yeah, I know, we were in a gay bar, but it was still a waste. We did see another one who may have been cute, but we were engrossed in our conversation at that point. Regardless, we had a fun night of research!

Mission Statement

Here's a copy of the Myspace bulletin for this site:

Date: Jun 5, 2006 12:50 AM
Subject: to the ladies of Williamsburg and Greenpoint
Body: I was out with a couple of friends this evening, and we were debating where to go. At some point, we wondered, "where do all the hot boys hang out on Sunday night?" Oddly enough, we also wondered the same thing the previous evening, as well as the week before, and the week before that.

Wouldn't it be great if you at least had an idea where the greatest concentration of delectable specimens were guzzling their PBRs on a given evening? I mean, if you're going to spend your hard-earned money in a drinking establishment, you need to get the most eye candy for the buck. Therefore, I'm going to start a little blog or whatnot, and all you "field reporters" are going to chime in with your recommendations.

Now, I realize "hotness" is subjective. We're going to have to be specific when describing said genre of hotness at a given location, whether it's "unshaven and greasy," "indie," "gay teen hustler," "boy next door," "grown man with skateboard," "hesher," "rockabilly," "euro with MacGuyver hair," etc. To each her own I say!

I shall send the link when it's ready.